Quotes: BAGPIPE ONE LINERS
|
Bagpipe Gags ------------------------------------------------------ Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe. ----------------------------------------------------- Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline. ----------------------------------------------------- Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks. ------------------------------------------------------ Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention. ----------------------------------------------------- Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawn mower. ----------------------------------------------------- Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating. ------------------------------------------------------- Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe? A. Add vibrato. ------------------------------------------------------- Q. What's the definition of a gentleman? A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't. ------------------------------------------------------- Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and dead bagpiper in the road? A. Skid marks in front of the snake. ------------------------------------------------------ Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road? A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session. ------------------------------------------------------ Q. What's the range of a bagpipe? A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm. ---------------------------------------------------- Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning? A. They rarely strike the same spot twice. ----------------------------------------------------- Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? A. Someone is blowing into it. ----------------------------------------------------- If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them end to end -- it would be a good idea. ------------------------------------------------------ Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean? A. A good start. ------------------------------------------------------ Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A. To get away from the sound. ------------------------------------------------------ Q. What's the definition of "optimism" A. A bagpiper with a beeper. +----------------------------------+ |